Vamire book i am trying to write. Please read and comment!!!!?

You write fairly well (for your age -- I'm guessing that you're a teenager), and your plot does seem reasonably interesting, and your prologue is intriguing. Since your "teaser" reveals more of what we should expect, I might be inspired to read further. However, I have lost count of how many teens have posted their vampire stories here on Answers. Everyone who has read the "Twilight" series seems to be attempting to write a vampire story, each one claiming that hers is "not like 'Twilight', but they all have similarities to Stephenie Meyer's stories. If you are writing for your own amusement, by all means, continue with your "novel"; in the event that writing itself is your pion, the experience will be valuable. If your dream is to produce a mcript worthy of publication, most likely you will be disappointed. Your writing style is immature yet, and mainstream publishers are in business to make money and will not generally invest in previously unpublished, inexperienced writers. Still, your story may be the exception to the rule. You seem to have it well planned, so go ahead with it; see what you can do. When you're finished, if possible, have it critiqued, edited, and corrected by someone qualified who will be objective. Then buy a copy of "Writer's Market" to learn about the complex publishing process. Whatever you decide, I wish you good luck!